Sep 20, 2011

So, Yeah.

Hello, Iowa!  I'm coming back!  (Yes, again.)

I have a good reason this time, too.  Not that I need to create a reason to go to my Iowa home.  When all else fails, I can use cancer as the reason.  Just another upside to it, I guess.

However.  This time, I am coming back for A HAIR SHOW!!!  Wahoo!!

Having not been able to consistently do hair for the past five months has made me a little bit nervous that I'm losing my touch, but I'm doing everything (aka, looking at lots of pictures and asking myself how I would get that result) in my power not to become a dummy.  Thankfully I've been allowed to do a couple of Isaac's peers and it's been keeping me on my toes.

I spent three hours today driving to get my hands on Keune color.  Ridiculous.

Oh, and for those of you out there who care, Salon Centric does NOT carry all of the same brands from state to state.  For instance, in Iowa, they carry Schwarzkopf, which is comparable to Keune.  Well guess what?  In Michigan, there is only ONE store in the ENTIRE STATE that carries it.

And it's an hour and a half away with traffic.

Ten minutes away from the place that carries Keune.

Shoot me.

I bought a variety of colors today so that the next time I need color, I don't have to drive halfway back to Iowa to get it.

Anyway, the gist of this post is that I'm super excited to:
  a) come back to Iowa again, as I'm desperately lonely out here
  b) go to a hair show

By the way, if you're wondering what you might be able to pray for, pray for me and depression.  Once upon a time, I had a conversation with my best friend, who I emphatically told that "I don't believe in depression," only to find out that he had struggled with it for years seconds later.

And, once again, I find myself wanting to go back in time and insert my foot in my mouth during that conversation.  I think it's real, and I think I'm dealing with it.

There's something wrong when you're driving down the highway, contemplating whether you want to go home to endure another day or try to get hit by a semi.  It's just not "normal."  Or maybe it is and I've just never experienced it until now.  Either way, I need to figure out what to do with it.  It's not a consistent thing, but it does come and go rather frequently the longer I'm out here.

And obviously, since I've never dealt with this before, I'm just mentioning it rather casually because I'm not sure what to do with it.  Don't mistake that for sarcasm.

And yes, a lot of you close to me will be surprised to read this, because I haven't mentioned it at all, save to one person.

Again, I'm just not sure what to do with it.  Do I mention it?  Do I not?  No clue.  I'm a little nervous to post this, just because I'm not sure what the response will be from certain people who I care about.

The blog is supposed to help me be transparent, to share my thoughts that I either can't, or don't want to verbalize.  So there it is.

In the meantime, I'm just hanging out.

3 comments:

  1. Ashley, thank you for being so specific about how we can pray for you, and Isaac. Depression is certainly something that can come and go, while others have a lifetime of it. You've had a lot of life changing events in just a short time. I'm praying these feelings will become but a distant memory as you near the end of treatment, adjust to Michigan and begin to experience the wonderful life you and Isaac have ahead of you. It's okay to miss Iowa and all of the family you have here - after all you do have a wonderful family. Just think, it's very likely you have the to boost the spirits of somebody dealing with depression just by the way you help them feel better simply by helping them look their best. Many of these people you may never know are struggling. Just remember, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". Praying for you.....the Wrights

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  2. My response is to pray for you. I too think depression is real and you have many life changing things to deal with. You're a trooper, Ashley.

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  3. Ashley,

    Towards the end of my treatment I found myself in a very similar situation. I talk with Dr. Pete about it and he said I was dealing with "situational depression". With everything you have been dealing with it is not abnormal. Talk to your doctors, if the recommend an anti depressant give it a try it did wonders for me! I am so happy to hear your cancer free news. Now on to the next phase SUURVIVORSHIP! IR is definately a wonderful place to be. When are you coming back? The 27th we are hosting a BAllard volleyballvs. The BIG C night at thee volleyball games. Will you be here?

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