Well... today was my first chemotherapy session. I'm pleased to say that I think it went quite well. As of right now, I feel perfectly normal--other than being pretty tired and my head feels a little fuzzy. I'm not sure if the fuzziness is from my chemo or my ear infection though.
We got to the clinic today around 10:55am and I went straight to the lab to get blood drawn. After about a half hour of waiting, it was finally my turn to spend 30 seconds in the bloodletting chair. The nice lady who did it today was a fantastic poker. (I switched to the word "poker" after the mis-communication with the poor man who thought I called him a prick.)
******** REALITY CHECK********
Okay, so the above was written immediately after I'd gotten back from my first session. I essentially felt fine. I'm sad to say that about an hour after writing that, the nausea kicked in. Big time. And I've felt like puking ever since.
I should probably just mention here that when I started this blog, I promised myself I'd do my best to be truthful about what is going on with me throughout the process. Easier said than done.
I'd love to say that the nausea was all has gone wrong. In all reality, I've officially had my first major breakdown. I felt sick to my stomach. I felt like I had a fever (which, I didn't). I felt too hot, too cold, and every variety of the two. I can't hear out of my right ear. I'm lonely, I'm in the apartment all the time, and since being diagnosed, feel like I am being quarantined here. I felt unattractive. I felt like a worthless wife. I felt like a slacker.
Needless to say when I started bawling for no apparent reason, my sweet husband steps up to the plate to ask what is wrong. I tried to explain it all to him, and actually might have done a decent job of doing so through the tears and sniffly nose. He said that he can't relate to going through chemo. He said my ear will heal. He said I'm not on quarantine, I just have to be careful where I go. He said I'm hot. He said I'm not a worthelss wife. He said I'm not a slacker for not being able to help with bills and that me not working right now is an investment in our future.
I love him.
I felt so much better after hearing that. Especially that I'm not a worthless wife or slacker. It makes dealing with the other things easier.
Anyway, that's all I'm going to write tonight because I still feel like vomiting and really just want to lie in an unconscious blob on the floor for the next 6 months.
Tootles.
Specific things to pray about:
- That the nausea will go away.
- That I will BELIEVE my husband when he says I'm not worthless and a slacker.
- That next session will be better.
I can relate. This is the part you need to ask for help. Anti-nausea medicine is easier to take and stay medicated than to deal with the nausea. I took it for about 4 days straight & then anytime I felt a twinge of the blahs.... If they gave you something to take and it's not working, tell them & get something that does. Nausea is a side effect that is very controllable. You need to stay in control of that so it doesn't control you! The next session will be better because you know what to truly expect.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry about the money right now. Concentrate on getting better so you can work the rest of your life!!! We said we'd go bankrupt if necessary, sell our home, and drive crap cars. We didn't need to do any of that. It's amazing what bills will be written off or reduced if you just ask!!! (More on that later.)
Don't beat yourself up about what you can't do. Relax in your husband's arms and enjoy him. God's showing you how much Isaac cares for you. We've got great husbands! I never believed I was beautiful, bald, pale, & tired - but my husband said I was....every day. He still tells me every day.
Praying for you guys!
This Cande lady could not have said it better. Good Lord you are beautiful! Whenever you feel ugly, remember how temporary this is! Your hair will grow back, your energy will increase, you will get back in shape, you will work for a paycheck, and you will get back to taking care of Isaac, you just have to let him take care of you for a while. None of this is permanent, and you are SuperWoman, so you can totally handle this. Remember that. Love you so much, and we can totally skype today!
ReplyDeleteLove,
M.E.G.
Praying for you, Ashley, my new friend :-)
ReplyDelete