Another Embarrasing Day

Today is an odd type of improvement since Thanksgiving.  Instead of hacking up mass quantities of phlegm, the problems this Tuesday are quite unusual.

Have you ever had that type of cough that is extremely strong?  The kind that is so forceful that you throw yourself forward out of your chair, find yourself standing on your tippy-toes, and wish you could catch a full breath?  That's the cough that I have today.

Plus a few more interesting side effects.

Such as drooling on myself.  Incessantly.  When Isaac went to hug me this morning, he was sweet enough to ignore the wet spot on my shirt to the left of my mouth.  Maybe it'd dried by then, but probably not.  He tries so hard to be sweet and not make me feel disgusting when I very clearly AM.

Another weird element of today's situation is sneezing.  For some reason, I'll be in the middle of a coughing spasm and all the sudden my body wants to throw in a sneeze.  Why, on earth?  I have no idea.  It's an absolute mystery to me, because I really don't think there's anything in my house that I should be sneezing from.  Whatever.

When I was younger, I wanted to learn how to jump rope.  I happened to be in the company of an older lady who was more than willing to teach me, so she enthusiastically grabbed the rope and went at it.  Then, all the sudden, she got a funny look on her face.  Someone in the vicinity was gracious enough to point out that she'd peed herself and started laughing at (and with, thankfully) her.  I don't think I'll ever forget that day.

Good thing too, because today, I've had the opportunity to experience that same joy.  Apparently between the violent coughing, random sneezing, and trying to hold in the drool, there's just too much pressure on my insides and it has to get out somewhere... so let's pee ourselves, right?  Right.

Supposedly this inability to control your own bladder is yet another similarity between my recent medical ailments and pregnancy.  Oh joy.

We might just adopt all our children.

Your Last Card

The other day, I was talking to Mom and at some point during the conversation, she paused for a moment, then asked if I was ever afraid I wasn't going to live a long and full life.

Without any hesitations, I replied, "No."

To some of you, that answer may sound really strange.  Maybe my women have envisioned living until one-hundred, sitting on the wrap-around porch of your house drinking tea and lemonade with your gray-haired husband.  You've dreamed of getting pregnant, feeling the little life inside wiggle and kick, and are anxiously awaiting the day it pops out and you become a mother.  Many of you are still awaiting your price charming, and have fantasies of your wedding day.

Maybe my men have had ambitions of finding the woman who they trust enough to care for their their heart and yearn for the day when they can carry her away in their arms, protecting her from every danger.  You've dreamt of buying that house, that car, that yacht, and the pride you'll feel looking at it, knowing it's the prize of your labor.  You're thrilled for the day when you'll have your own 24" replica that follows you around, wearing your much-too-large underwear and socks because he wants to be "just like dad."

But what if none of that was in the cards for you?

Let's play pretend.

Let's pretend that today, you've been given your final card: a terminal disease, a fatal car crash, surgery complications, getting hit by lightening, natural causes, whatever it may be.

In a second, your future looks intensely different.  There are no more dates on the veranda, no children, no grandchildren, no pregnancies, no spouse, no wedding, no twenty-first birthday, or even for some of you, a high school graduation.  Whatever time is left on your life clock is suddenly more important than everything else.

All of those moments, those memories that you'd been looking forward to creating, why do they matter?  Is your existence the sum of those seconds?  Do those minutes define the value that you place on your life?

It's a pretty heavy thing to think about.

I've done some thinking, and for me, I'm just more excited about the promise that I have beyond those moments.  As thrilling as they may be, I trust that when God made heaven, He had me in mind and it will be SO much better than anything I might experience here.

Thanksgiving 2011

Typically for Thanksgiving, Isaac and I head out to Mama-Lynn and Howards to join the rest of the clan for overeating, movies, camping out at Best Buy for Black Friday specials, more overeating, and some naps.  This year though, none of the Chicagoans could make it.  That left the Hinton clan, the young Hintons (Isaac and I) and the Brekke family.

And unfortunately, I haven't been feeling the best since Sunday.  Whatever I've got started out as some type of fever accompanied by chills and a sore throat, mutated into a sore throat with achy hips, and then has finally come full circle as a snotty nose, semi-sore throat, and heavily mucused head region.

It's gross.  I'll save you the gruesome details... (which, normally, I wouldn't do).

Anyway, I'm still really glad to be getting to spend time with family in Iowa, even though I know I've been a lot less fun to be around.

Yesterday I slept all day.  Almost literally.  I napped on and off from the time I woke up until I fell asleep for the night.  I'll probably be doing something similar today.

The good news: Nebraska is whooping Iowa, 10-0.

So, if you feel like praying, here are a few specific requests:

• That my body will kick whatever this is out of my system.  Soon.
• That I won't have gotten anyone else sick
• For a friend of mine who seems to be having issues with her newly diagnosed MS.  Recently her body has been going numb on and off.  It doesn't sound like the doctor is thrilled about it.

The things to say thank you for:

• I'm officially done with chemo, radiation, and all that junk.
• I have one job (with an erratic income) and have an interview lined up for a second one.
• We have a loving network of friends and family that have helped us survive the last six months
• The excess weight put on during chemo seems to be falling off pretty fast (this is part vanity, but mostly thanks that we don't have to spend money on buying bigger clothes for me for work)
• Nebraska is still winning :)

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!!!

Job Situation

I've been searching for a job since a couple of weeks after chemotherapy.  I applied absolutely everywhere--and I mean everywhere.  Food service, retail, salons, hospitals, nannying... you name it, I probably applied for it.

Then, about a week and a half ago, I got a call back from Helen at Ken Paves Salon.  She was willing to offer me a position, so long as I was aware that they wouldn't be able to provide me with a clientele; I'd have to build up on my own.  That's alright by me!  I've started from the bottom before, and I'm a firm believer that doing so helps you to appreciate where you get later on.

(For you Michiganites that are interested, I'll be in the salon Tuesday and Thursday from 4-9, Wednesday from 2-6, Friday from 2-7, and Saturday from 9-2.  Call 586-416-8600 to schedule!)

However, because I don't have a clientele yet, I still need a second job that will pay the bills.  I'd kind of been giving up on finding one until this past week, and then, as usual, when it rains, it pours.

Last week I received a reply on an application I had placed for a nannying position.  Then this morning, I got a phone call from Macomb Community College to interview for a position as a Student Activities Coordinator.  About an hour or so later, a restaurant called to see if I could make it to open interviews tomorrow for a hosting position.

I always have a hard time making a good decision when I have so many options.  That's why I'm hoping God narrows this down for me.

He already started by making the restaurant interview impossible.  I had a fever, chills, sore throat, and severely achy hips last night, which led to me deciding not to go back to Michigan today.  The plan had been for me to head back this morning, be a "patient" for first year MSUCOM students, then pack up and head back to Iowa City with my husband and Kim for Thanksgiving.  However, since I wasn't feeling too hot last night, I decided to revisit that plan.

Isaac had sent me to Iowa with Zicam, which proved to be a good call on his end.  I started taking it yesterday evening and have been taking it every three hours throughout the night and thus far into the day today.  It seems to have helped with the fever, chills, and sore throats, but my hips still ache like crazy.

I tried ibuprofen, but that didn't seem to help.  I was talking with Isaac about it, and he recommended trying Tylenol instead, which I did.  I'm still not really noticing a big difference.  He thought it might be my body trying to re-adjust to producing its own white blood cells still, since this is the second time I've had achy hips and it just so happens they've occurred when I was typically getting my Neulasta shot.

Whatever the cause, I'm not a huge fan.

So.

I've been taking it easy.  Chilling on the couch by the fire, reading, napping, watching TV, and chatting with Court.  It's frustrating to still not be at one hundred percent and be able to run around doing what I'd like to do, but I am thankful that I don't have chemo anymore.  Or radiation.