Surprises in May

The original purpose of this blog was to stay connected to friends and family back in Iowa when Isaac and I moved to Michigan for his medical schooling.  When I got diagnosed with cancer a few weeks after moving, it took on a new purpose--being open with people about our struggles while navigating through them.

This year, we celebrated our anniversary on May 8th.  It was awesome.  I had to close at Nordstrom and Isaac worked in the morning, so we didn't get to do anything the day of.  However, the morning after, I had my routine PET/CT scan and then was off for the day.

Since we were no longer preventing pregnancy, the hospital had to do a blood test for pregnancy before I could get my scan.  Had I realized how long they had to wait for the labs to get back, I might have stopped by the morning before so I didn't have to sit around for an hour, but lesson learned.  While I was waiting to get injected with the radioactive glucose, the tech and I were chatting about life.  When you get tests like this done regularly, you start to get to know the people at the hospital pretty well.  This guy was new to me--I'd only had him once before--so we were talking about family and how long he'd been working as a tech.

At some point in the conversation, he started talking about the statistics of how many people have actually been pregnant when they come in for their PET/CT scan.

Zero.

In his 12+ years of working as a radiology tech, he said he'd never had a result come back positive.  That's not exactly comforting.  I wasn't exactly sure what it meant, but it indicated to me there's a pretty strong correlation between people who get PET/CTs and not being pregnant.  Maybe it's because a majority of the people he sees are older, maybe it's because there's an unknown side effect of getting them regularly, or who knows what.... but I was kind of bummed when he told me that.

When the lab finally called, he went into the other room to hear the results and I was straining my ears to see if there was any surprise in his voice that might indicate I was pregnant.  Nope.  None at all.  By the time he hung up the phone I was settled in and ready to get injected, even though I was bummed.  He came back in the room and surprise, surprise: "Well ma'am, you're not going to be able to get your scan done today because we don't want to bake the baby!"

I'm sure I had a really big smile on my face but the only thing that absorbed at that point was that I wasn't going to be able to get my PET/CT.  Still, I walked out of the hospital grinning like a goon.  And I still smile now remembering the feeling.  I started to process it on the way home and screamed and cried a couple of times in the car on my way home.  Isaac was supposed to be at the hospital that morning, so when I pulled into our apartment complex and saw his car there, I was even more excited that I'd be able to tell him right away.

Now, my husband is a man of one face.  His expression rarely changes, regardless of the circumstance. I have no idea how that works, because everything I feel shows on my face.  I decided I'd try and play the "one-face" game when I told him to see if I could get a reaction out of him.  The conversation went something like this-

Isaac: "How did your scan go?"

Me: "I don't know."

Isaac: "Well, how do you think it went?" (You normally have to wait a few days to get results)

Me: "I don't know.  I didn't have one."

Isaac: "Why?"

Me: "We're pregnant."

Isaac: "What?"

AND HIS FACIAL EXPRESSION NEVER CHANGED!!!!!!  I tried, ladies and gentlemen.  I tried.  At first he thought I was joking, because I was doing a good job at hiding my own excitement.  Once he finally understood that I wasn't pranking him, he did crack a smile and laugh a bit.

Over the last couple of weeks, we've started doing things that I'm sure other parents-to-be do: talking about the baby, discussing names, figuring out insurance, finances, etc...  We've gotten a little attached to it and were envisioning a future with a child.

I say "were" because this morning I miscarried.

This week has been crazy, stress-wise.  My closest friend in Michigan, Pearl, has packed up and is moving to Texas today.  The cosmetic line that I manage started a gift with purchase on Wednesday (which I worked a 12-hour shift for).  And today we started a department-wide event that will run through today and tomorrow and will draw in hundreds of women and lots of chaos.

When I arrived at work this morning, I started to bleed a little bit.  I only noticed because I'm out of my "good" undergarments and I felt like I was getting an underwear line that was showing.  I went to adjust it, and while using the facilities, saw blood.  Bright red blood.  Pregnant women shouldn't bleed.

I called my husband because he always knows what to do, and after giving me an over-the-phone exam, he came and picked me up.  Off to the ER we went.  During our 3-hour stay there, I bled and bled and bled.  Chunks of blood.  I was given a foley catheter (a pinch uncomfortable getting it in, by the way) and they took me to ultrasound to take images of my uterus and ovaries.  After that, a few blood labs, and a pelvic exam, the doctor told Isaac and I that my pregnancy hormone had dropped significantly, indicating I was most likely no longer carrying.

So we were pregnant.

And now we're not.

I'm exhausted.  There's the unwritten rule that you don't share that you're pregnant until you're past the 12-week mark.  I was too excited, so I told quite a few people... probably half of the ladies I work with, some friends, and my three closest girlfriends.  After we left the hospital I sent out a mass text letting everyone know.

The rest of today has been filled with talking to my husband and my mom, naps, cramps, and getting lots of hugs and kisses from my husband.  He even took a nap with me, even though he wasn't tired--which is a HUGE thing.  I've gotten a ton of supportive texts and a couple of extremely sweet voicemails.

Thank you, to those of you who have given me encouragement.  It's still painful, but less.

We're going to keep "not preventing," but we'll see what happens.  The silver lining is that we know we CAN get pregnant.  Now to see if they'll ever stick...

C'est La Vie.

Work, work, work.  That's what this past week has been.

The funnier part is that the amount of work I did wasn't even really that much.  I used to put in anywhere between a 40-60 hour week without thinking about it, but this week 30 was pushing my limits.

I know I'm going to get a lecture from my "cancer moms" telling me that I shouldn't try to push too hard, too fast.  But believe me, I've already picked up on that.  When I'm tired after working for only 7 or 8 hours, I have no other option than to believe it's a residual effect from the chemo and radiation.  'Cause normally, that'd be no problem.

Some women I've talked to told me it might take up to a year for me to get "back to normal." Whatever that may be.

For now, though, I find myself yawning at 8pm.  Granted, I rarely go to bed that early because there is still a part of me that feels like coping out that early is just wussy.  And I don't like to be a wuss.

The plan for today is to make it out to either Lakeside Mall or The Somerset Collection to hand out my cards and strike up deals with the pretty faces behind the counters so that I can get my name out there.

I was talking with one of the girls that I work with last night and asked if she wanted to go with to hand out cards at Somerset soon and I'm not sure I understood her response.  It seemed she was worried that we would be stepping on someone else's turf or that maybe we were inferior to the resident mall salon.  I was confused.  Actually, I still am.

Either way, I'm not worried about it.  If their work is better than mine, it will show and their clients will stay.  However, if it's not...  well, that's how the game goes.  I won't badmouth another stylist or salon to gain their clientele, but I'm not going to sit back and just hope people appear in my chair, either.  I'm going to get my hustle on and let people know that if they'd like, I'm here: talented, able, and willing. (And in a lot of cases, more budget friendly, too!)

The ubiquitous "they" say that if you gain about 50 clients in a year, probably expect to lose about 10-20% of them in that same year.  Some people just like to jump around, while others die, move, go off to college, etc...  Regardless, your client's lives are not static, so they won't be either.

Anyway, that's enough of that.

Isaac has been studying like a madman, making sure that he's ready for everything that his Cardiology class can throw at him.  He's definitely a little bit stressed, but I suppose a little fire under everyone's behind does some good.

I've been getting little love-notes from him recently, which I adore.  Maybe it has to do with the fact that I'm working a little bit now.  Or maybe it's because I've been conscious for a couple of consecutive months instead of doped up on the chemo drugs.  Whatever the cause is, I'm a fan.

I've been enjoying my time at Nordstrom so far too.  It's a very interesting place.

Dad got home from Africa today!!  I haven't talked to him yet because I think everyone is together hanging out, talking about how the trip was over lunch and stuff, but I'm hoping that I'll be able to chat with him soon.

It's weird, not being home in Iowa for his homecoming.  I can picture in my head what's probably gone on and I can remember what the emotional atmosphere was last time he got home, but it stinks, not being able to be there and share it with them.

I've been having weird dreams, too.  Really weird, and REALLY vivid.  Almost every night.  Even weirder, Jessica and I both dreamt that I was pregnant a couple of nights ago.  Glory, I hope not.  I know, I know, His timing is perfect.  I have complete trust in that; I just would be extremely curious how it would work with our present life situation.

C'est la vie.

No, I Don't Have Multiple Personality Disorder.

Recently, some of you may have gotten an invite from me to become my friend on Facebook.  "Wait," you might have thought, "I was pretty sure we already ARE friends.  What's going on?"

Don't worry.  You're not losing your marbles.  We probably are.  However, I've taken on another project. Those of you who know me well are probably already smiling because you know when I taken on a project, I take it on.

This one is called: Project Bring In Clients To Pay Off Student Loans.

In order to complete this project, I decided to build a digital presence, which will include my Facebook Business Page, a Twitter, and a Blog (under construction).  Alas, once I started on my project, I learned that Facebook requires Business Pages to be linked to a profile.  In keeping with the rule of thumb to separate business and personal, I decided to create another Ashley Hinton to which my page can be linked, without disclosing my entire "private" life to current and potential clients.  

The whole thing is a little bit weird, because as those of you who have been my clients know, I don't really separate the two in real life.  My friends are my clients, my clients are my friends.  And I love my friend and I love my clients.  However, it was recommended to me to go about it this way by a MUCH wiser person than myself, and so I am following through on her instruction.

We shall see how this goes.

In other news, things have been relatively peaceful around our apartment.

Isaac keeps eating my chocolates and then making fun of me when I happen to take the last one in the bag, saying "man, you sure downed those fast!"  Turd.  He also did something super sweet last Sunday.

I was invited to go with Ken Paves Salon, Clinton Township to a Bridal Show at Fern Hill Golf & Country Club.  We made up and styled eight models for the fashion show and then handed out information and cards afterward.

The night before the show, I had run around the house gathering whatever I might possibly need for the show and putting it in a pile beside the door.  My plan was to wake up early and then finish packing.  When I got up in the morning though, Isaac had already packed it all up (very nicely, I might add) in a rolling suitcase and placed little love notes on it (see below).  In addition, he went to WalMart and bought me a little lock for it so that nobody could steal my makeup kit.

My sweet husband is smart, but doesn't have the best grammar... and it was pretty late!

What a gem.  A handsome gem at that!!  

The next morning when I woke up, I had just opened my mouth to ask him if he could get me the rolling suitcase from the closet when I walked around the corner into his surprise.  I was so happy!!  I mean really, can a girl get it any better?

On top of all that, he made me breakfast that I barely had time to eat.  Bless his big ol' heart!

I've just been slaving away on gaining a digital presence.  The goal is to gain a presence which will hopefully translate to ranking higher on Google, which will hopefully bring in more clients, who will hopefully enjoy paying me for my services so that I can pay off student loans.

That's a lot of hopefully's.

In case it doesn't happen that way, or in case it takes longer than the Department of Education would care for, I've also been applying for jobs since we got back from Christmas.  I had an interview with Nordstrom this morning and I'm hoping that they liked me.  I should know by the end of the weekend.

Aside from that, we're just keeping on, keeping on!