Today is an odd type of improvement since Thanksgiving. Instead of hacking up mass quantities of phlegm, the problems this Tuesday are quite unusual.
Have you ever had that type of cough that is extremely strong? The kind that is so forceful that you throw yourself forward out of your chair, find yourself standing on your tippy-toes, and wish you could catch a full breath? That's the cough that I have today.
Plus a few more interesting side effects.
Such as drooling on myself. Incessantly. When Isaac went to hug me this morning, he was sweet enough to ignore the wet spot on my shirt to the left of my mouth. Maybe it'd dried by then, but probably not. He tries so hard to be sweet and not make me feel disgusting when I very clearly AM.
Another weird element of today's situation is sneezing. For some reason, I'll be in the middle of a coughing spasm and all the sudden my body wants to throw in a sneeze. Why, on earth? I have no idea. It's an absolute mystery to me, because I really don't think there's anything in my house that I should be sneezing from. Whatever.
When I was younger, I wanted to learn how to jump rope. I happened to be in the company of an older lady who was more than willing to teach me, so she enthusiastically grabbed the rope and went at it. Then, all the sudden, she got a funny look on her face. Someone in the vicinity was gracious enough to point out that she'd peed herself and started laughing at (and with, thankfully) her. I don't think I'll ever forget that day.
Good thing too, because today, I've had the opportunity to experience that same joy. Apparently between the violent coughing, random sneezing, and trying to hold in the drool, there's just too much pressure on my insides and it has to get out somewhere... so let's pee ourselves, right? Right.
Supposedly this inability to control your own bladder is yet another similarity between my recent medical ailments and pregnancy. Oh joy.
We might just adopt all our children.
Nov 30, 2011
Nov 26, 2011
Your Last Card
The other day, I was talking to Mom and at some point during the conversation, she paused for a moment, then asked if I was ever afraid I wasn't going to live a long and full life.
Without any hesitations, I replied, "No."
To some of you, that answer may sound really strange. Maybe my women have envisioned living until one-hundred, sitting on the wrap-around porch of your house drinking tea and lemonade with your gray-haired husband. You've dreamed of getting pregnant, feeling the little life inside wiggle and kick, and are anxiously awaiting the day it pops out and you become a mother. Many of you are still awaiting your price charming, and have fantasies of your wedding day.
Maybe my men have had ambitions of finding the woman who they trust enough to care for their their heart and yearn for the day when they can carry her away in their arms, protecting her from every danger. You've dreamt of buying that house, that car, that yacht, and the pride you'll feel looking at it, knowing it's the prize of your labor. You're thrilled for the day when you'll have your own 24" replica that follows you around, wearing your much-too-large underwear and socks because he wants to be "just like dad."
Let's play pretend.
Let's pretend that today, you've been given your final card: a terminal disease, a fatal car crash, surgery complications, getting hit by lightening, natural causes, whatever it may be.
In a second, your future looks intensely different. There are no more dates on the veranda, no children, no grandchildren, no pregnancies, no spouse, no wedding, no twenty-first birthday, or even for some of you, a high school graduation. Whatever time is left on your life clock is suddenly more important than everything else.
All of those moments, those memories that you'd been looking forward to creating, why do they matter? Is your existence the sum of those seconds? Do those minutes define the value that you place on your life?
It's a pretty heavy thing to think about.
I've done some thinking, and for me, I'm just more excited about the promise that I have beyond those moments. As thrilling as they may be, I trust that when God made heaven, He had me in mind and it will be SO much better than anything I might experience here.
Without any hesitations, I replied, "No."
To some of you, that answer may sound really strange. Maybe my women have envisioned living until one-hundred, sitting on the wrap-around porch of your house drinking tea and lemonade with your gray-haired husband. You've dreamed of getting pregnant, feeling the little life inside wiggle and kick, and are anxiously awaiting the day it pops out and you become a mother. Many of you are still awaiting your price charming, and have fantasies of your wedding day.
Maybe my men have had ambitions of finding the woman who they trust enough to care for their their heart and yearn for the day when they can carry her away in their arms, protecting her from every danger. You've dreamt of buying that house, that car, that yacht, and the pride you'll feel looking at it, knowing it's the prize of your labor. You're thrilled for the day when you'll have your own 24" replica that follows you around, wearing your much-too-large underwear and socks because he wants to be "just like dad."
But what if none of that was in the cards for you?
Let's play pretend.
Let's pretend that today, you've been given your final card: a terminal disease, a fatal car crash, surgery complications, getting hit by lightening, natural causes, whatever it may be.
In a second, your future looks intensely different. There are no more dates on the veranda, no children, no grandchildren, no pregnancies, no spouse, no wedding, no twenty-first birthday, or even for some of you, a high school graduation. Whatever time is left on your life clock is suddenly more important than everything else.
All of those moments, those memories that you'd been looking forward to creating, why do they matter? Is your existence the sum of those seconds? Do those minutes define the value that you place on your life?
It's a pretty heavy thing to think about.
I've done some thinking, and for me, I'm just more excited about the promise that I have beyond those moments. As thrilling as they may be, I trust that when God made heaven, He had me in mind and it will be SO much better than anything I might experience here.
Nov 25, 2011
Thanksgiving 2011
Typically for Thanksgiving, Isaac and I head out to Mama-Lynn and Howards to join the rest of the clan for overeating, movies, camping out at Best Buy for Black Friday specials, more overeating, and some naps. This year though, none of the Chicagoans could make it. That left the Hinton clan, the young Hintons (Isaac and I) and the Brekke family.
And unfortunately, I haven't been feeling the best since Sunday. Whatever I've got started out as some type of fever accompanied by chills and a sore throat, mutated into a sore throat with achy hips, and then has finally come full circle as a snotty nose, semi-sore throat, and heavily mucused head region.
It's gross. I'll save you the gruesome details... (which, normally, I wouldn't do).
Anyway, I'm still really glad to be getting to spend time with family in Iowa, even though I know I've been a lot less fun to be around.
Yesterday I slept all day. Almost literally. I napped on and off from the time I woke up until I fell asleep for the night. I'll probably be doing something similar today.
The good news: Nebraska is whooping Iowa, 10-0.
So, if you feel like praying, here are a few specific requests:
And unfortunately, I haven't been feeling the best since Sunday. Whatever I've got started out as some type of fever accompanied by chills and a sore throat, mutated into a sore throat with achy hips, and then has finally come full circle as a snotty nose, semi-sore throat, and heavily mucused head region.
It's gross. I'll save you the gruesome details... (which, normally, I wouldn't do).
Anyway, I'm still really glad to be getting to spend time with family in Iowa, even though I know I've been a lot less fun to be around.
Yesterday I slept all day. Almost literally. I napped on and off from the time I woke up until I fell asleep for the night. I'll probably be doing something similar today.
The good news: Nebraska is whooping Iowa, 10-0.
So, if you feel like praying, here are a few specific requests:
- That my body will kick whatever this is out of my system. Soon.
- That I won't have gotten anyone else sick
- For a friend of mine who seems to be having issues with her newly diagnosed MS. Recently her body has been going numb on and off. It doesn't sound like the doctor is thrilled about it.
The things to say thank you for:
- I'm officially done with chemo, radiation, and all that junk.
- I have one job (with an erratic income) and have an interview lined up for a second one.
- We have a loving network of friends and family that have helped us survive the last six months
- The excess weight put on during chemo seems to be falling off pretty fast (this is part vanity, but mostly thanks that we don't have to spend money on buying bigger clothes for me for work)
- Nebraska is still winning :)
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!!!
Nov 21, 2011
Job Situation
I've been searching for a job since a couple of weeks after chemotherapy. I applied absolutely everywhere--and I mean everywhere. Food service, retail, salons, hospitals, nannying... you name it, I probably applied for it.
Then, about a week and a half ago, I got a call back from Helen at Ken Paves Salon. She was willing to offer me a position, so long as I was aware that they wouldn't be able to provide me with a clientele; I'd have to build up on my own. That's alright by me! I've started from the bottom before, and I'm a firm believer that doing so helps you to appreciate where you get later on.
(For you Michiganites that are interested, I'll be in the salon Tuesday and Thursday from 4-9, Wednesday from 2-6, Friday from 2-7, and Saturday from 9-2. Call 586-416-8600 to schedule!)
However, because I don't have a clientele yet, I still need a second job that will pay the bills. I'd kind of been giving up on finding one until this past week, and then, as usual, when it rains, it pours.
Last week I received a reply on an application I had placed for a nannying position. Then this morning, I got a phone call from Macomb Community College to interview for a position as a Student Activities Coordinator. About an hour or so later, a restaurant called to see if I could make it to open interviews tomorrow for a hosting position.
I always have a hard time making a good decision when I have so many options. That's why I'm hoping God narrows this down for me.
He already started by making the restaurant interview impossible. I had a fever, chills, sore throat, and severely achy hips last night, which led to me deciding not to go back to Michigan today. The plan had been for me to head back this morning, be a "patient" for first year MSUCOM students, then pack up and head back to Iowa City with my husband and Kim for Thanksgiving. However, since I wasn't feeling too hot last night, I decided to revisit that plan.
Isaac had sent me to Iowa with Zicam, which proved to be a good call on his end. I started taking it yesterday evening and have been taking it every three hours throughout the night and thus far into the day today. It seems to have helped with the fever, chills, and sore throats, but my hips still ache like crazy.
I tried ibuprofen, but that didn't seem to help. I was talking with Isaac about it, and he recommended trying Tylenol instead, which I did. I'm still not really noticing a big difference. He thought it might be my body trying to re-adjust to producing its own white blood cells still, since this is the second time I've had achy hips and it just so happens they've occurred when I was typically getting my Neulasta shot.
Whatever the cause, I'm not a huge fan.
So.
I've been taking it easy. Chilling on the couch by the fire, reading, napping, watching TV, and chatting with Court. It's frustrating to still not be at one hundred percent and be able to run around doing what I'd like to do, but I am thankful that I don't have chemo anymore. Or radiation.
Nov 16, 2011
Didn't See This Coming
I'm sorry that I've not written for a while now.
About a week ago, my computer screen just went black and never revived. I tried plugging it in, not plugging it in. I restarted it over ten times. I did a soft system reset. I pulled the battery out and put it back in. I did everything I could think of.
It just stared back at me with a black screen.
Bummer.
I called Best Buy and talked with one of the Geeks. He said that most likely, it was either my motherboard, graphics card, or my screen just went out. No matter what, it sounded like the repairs would be costly. Costly enough that it'd probably just be cheaper to get a new laptop.
Consequently, Isaac and I spent the next several days pricing computers because I've been working on a lot of marketing strategies for my hair stuff out here and needed to get the ball rolling on those. The Geeks told us that the average life for a PC laptop ranges from two to three years.
As we were looking at the prices, we started to realize that really, you pay quite a bit for those few short years of laptop service. Even if we went with the cheapest laptop available, it was $250, plus $100 for Microsoft Office, $270 for two years of black tie protection, another $100 for a data transfer from my computer to the new one.... that adds up to a minimum of $720. And then there's tax. Out here it's 6%, so that brings us to $763.
And then in another two to three years, it'll be another $763, plus the cost of inflation.
So we started checking out Macs.
I'll be honest, I've been against them for a while--mostly because they seem like the UGGs of the digital world. However, I've talked to several Mac owners, and many of them have had their computer for over six years. Some for over ten.
When we talked to the Mac guy, he said that people don't necessarily upgrade their Macs because they're having problems, but more often than not, because they simply want the latest and greatest.
I just got my first ever "cool phone." I'll probably keep it until it breaths it last. The same will likely happen with my laptop. I'm not a "got to have the coolest, newest thing" type of chick. Unless it's makeup. Or something to do with hair.
Anyway, in the end, we decided to purchase a MacBook Pro. It's very likely that I'll have it until it dies, and if the people that I've talked to are telling the truth, that won't be for quite a while. It was a little bit more of an investment up front, but we did get a free $50 sleeve, the apple care for almost $100 cheaper because Isaac is a student, and $60 off the computer.
Not too shabby.
Now we'll see if I can become adept at using this thing before the next millennium.
About a week ago, my computer screen just went black and never revived. I tried plugging it in, not plugging it in. I restarted it over ten times. I did a soft system reset. I pulled the battery out and put it back in. I did everything I could think of.
It just stared back at me with a black screen.
Bummer.
I called Best Buy and talked with one of the Geeks. He said that most likely, it was either my motherboard, graphics card, or my screen just went out. No matter what, it sounded like the repairs would be costly. Costly enough that it'd probably just be cheaper to get a new laptop.
Consequently, Isaac and I spent the next several days pricing computers because I've been working on a lot of marketing strategies for my hair stuff out here and needed to get the ball rolling on those. The Geeks told us that the average life for a PC laptop ranges from two to three years.
As we were looking at the prices, we started to realize that really, you pay quite a bit for those few short years of laptop service. Even if we went with the cheapest laptop available, it was $250, plus $100 for Microsoft Office, $270 for two years of black tie protection, another $100 for a data transfer from my computer to the new one.... that adds up to a minimum of $720. And then there's tax. Out here it's 6%, so that brings us to $763.
And then in another two to three years, it'll be another $763, plus the cost of inflation.
So we started checking out Macs.
I'll be honest, I've been against them for a while--mostly because they seem like the UGGs of the digital world. However, I've talked to several Mac owners, and many of them have had their computer for over six years. Some for over ten.
When we talked to the Mac guy, he said that people don't necessarily upgrade their Macs because they're having problems, but more often than not, because they simply want the latest and greatest.
I just got my first ever "cool phone." I'll probably keep it until it breaths it last. The same will likely happen with my laptop. I'm not a "got to have the coolest, newest thing" type of chick. Unless it's makeup. Or something to do with hair.
Anyway, in the end, we decided to purchase a MacBook Pro. It's very likely that I'll have it until it dies, and if the people that I've talked to are telling the truth, that won't be for quite a while. It was a little bit more of an investment up front, but we did get a free $50 sleeve, the apple care for almost $100 cheaper because Isaac is a student, and $60 off the computer.
Not too shabby.
Now we'll see if I can become adept at using this thing before the next millennium.
Nov 7, 2011
Night Drivers
Isaac and I spent the weekend on the road. Almost literally. We left Michigan around 8:30pm on Friday night and arrived in Iowa at 5:30 in the morning. We went to bed and then I got up three hours later to do hair for Kendra and Beau's wedding and finished around 1:00pm. I dropped three of the bridesmaids off at the church, then went home to do Ike, Mom, and Dad's hair before the wedding at 5:00p.
Immediately after the ceremony, Isaac, Ike, Court, Jess, and myself had to scoot on to the reception hall quickly. Ike was in charge of setting up the projector and computer for the slideshow and I'd volunteered Isaac and myself to plate and refill the desserts. The reception was a lot of fun! I love being able to chat with people and socialize with family that I haven't seen in a while. I even ventured out to the dance floor for a little bit. I had a few heart palpitations or something while doing "The Twist," so my husband recommended I sit for a little bit but other than that my health seemed to be holding up!
By the time we hit 10:00 that night, I was just wasted tired so Ike, Court, Isaac, and I left the reception and ended up falling asleep in front of the fireplace at the farm. Actually, Ike, Court, and I fell asleep in front of the fire and my husband went upstairs and studied for a little bit.
The next morning, we went to church, had lunch at the farm, and then hung out for a couple hours. Around 3:00, Isaac and I jumped on the road again because we wanted to stop and have time to visit with Lynn and Howard on the way back to Michigan.
At some point while talking to the Hinton's, my job status came up and Isaac shared that I have been talking with Helen Paves, the manager of the salon that I think I want to work at. It reminded me that I'd been meaning to ask Howard if he had a particular professional camera that he would recommend us investing in at some later date so I can digitally document my work with pictures of high enough quality to display on a website in the future.
You should have seen how excited he was. His enthusiasm was probably equivalent to if someone had asked my dad about tractors or field work. He ran downstairs and grabbed a camera and several lenses to let us borrow and then walked me through the basics of operating it. In the end, I was sent home with two lenses to play with and a 250-page instruction booklet. Needless to say, I have plenty of reading material.
After chatting with Howard and Lynn for a bit, we hopped back on the road and began the rest of the trip back home. We talked for about four hours of the trip and then I fell asleep shortly after we switched drivers. At 4:30 in the morning we finally arrived home.
Twenty hours of road time in a 48-hour period is just a little too much, I think. But it was SO fun!
Here's a few pics from the wedding on Saturday!
Immediately after the ceremony, Isaac, Ike, Court, Jess, and myself had to scoot on to the reception hall quickly. Ike was in charge of setting up the projector and computer for the slideshow and I'd volunteered Isaac and myself to plate and refill the desserts. The reception was a lot of fun! I love being able to chat with people and socialize with family that I haven't seen in a while. I even ventured out to the dance floor for a little bit. I had a few heart palpitations or something while doing "The Twist," so my husband recommended I sit for a little bit but other than that my health seemed to be holding up!
By the time we hit 10:00 that night, I was just wasted tired so Ike, Court, Isaac, and I left the reception and ended up falling asleep in front of the fireplace at the farm. Actually, Ike, Court, and I fell asleep in front of the fire and my husband went upstairs and studied for a little bit.
The next morning, we went to church, had lunch at the farm, and then hung out for a couple hours. Around 3:00, Isaac and I jumped on the road again because we wanted to stop and have time to visit with Lynn and Howard on the way back to Michigan.
At some point while talking to the Hinton's, my job status came up and Isaac shared that I have been talking with Helen Paves, the manager of the salon that I think I want to work at. It reminded me that I'd been meaning to ask Howard if he had a particular professional camera that he would recommend us investing in at some later date so I can digitally document my work with pictures of high enough quality to display on a website in the future.
You should have seen how excited he was. His enthusiasm was probably equivalent to if someone had asked my dad about tractors or field work. He ran downstairs and grabbed a camera and several lenses to let us borrow and then walked me through the basics of operating it. In the end, I was sent home with two lenses to play with and a 250-page instruction booklet. Needless to say, I have plenty of reading material.
After chatting with Howard and Lynn for a bit, we hopped back on the road and began the rest of the trip back home. We talked for about four hours of the trip and then I fell asleep shortly after we switched drivers. At 4:30 in the morning we finally arrived home.
Twenty hours of road time in a 48-hour period is just a little too much, I think. But it was SO fun!
Here's a few pics from the wedding on Saturday!
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| Court and I |
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| Isaac Jordan, practicing his smiles!! :) |
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| Court and Mom |
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| Jess and I. Forgive her smile... her cheeks were really tired by this time... |
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| Up-the-nose shot of Isaac Dean. |
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| The lovely married folks! |
Nov 4, 2011
Dry As A Desert
I found out yesterday that I am already about halfway through my radiation treatment! Boo-ya!
Apparently I only have to have seventeen treatments. There hadn't really been any side effects other than my skin being a little bit tender until yesterday--when the first manifestations of a dry-as-the-desert throat appeared.
Oh, it's dry... Incredibly so.
For instance, yesterday it hurt to burp (unladylike, I know, but it comes with the cancer territory) because my throat was so dry that instead of just slipping out like usual, the air was getting trapped near my hyoid. Man, was it uncomfortable!
This morning it's actually even worse. I've spent the last hour and a half slowly but surely eating a ham and cheese sandwich. It's not that this thing is the size of a table or anything either. I just have to take a small bite and chew... and chew... and chew some more. Then maybe add a little water to the mix, masticate (fancy word for chew) some more, and then swallow. By that time, my jaw is a little tired and I feel the need to drink some more water in hopes that it will juice my throat up so the next bite doesn't take an hour too. I've gone through three full glasses of water so far.
For a ham and cheese sandwich. Good gravy.
The "glass half full" perspective on this is that I'll probably drop the weight I put on from chemo pretty quick! That will make it easier for me to win the weight loss competition between my husband, father-in-law, sister-in-law, and dad... yet another positive of cancer.
On another note, we're heading back to Iowa again today for my cousin's wedding. It's going to be a really fast trip. Like, we'll maybe be there for twenty-four hours fast. But it's totally worth it! Weddings are a blast!!
Catch ya'll on the flip side!
Apparently I only have to have seventeen treatments. There hadn't really been any side effects other than my skin being a little bit tender until yesterday--when the first manifestations of a dry-as-the-desert throat appeared.
Oh, it's dry... Incredibly so.
For instance, yesterday it hurt to burp (unladylike, I know, but it comes with the cancer territory) because my throat was so dry that instead of just slipping out like usual, the air was getting trapped near my hyoid. Man, was it uncomfortable!
This morning it's actually even worse. I've spent the last hour and a half slowly but surely eating a ham and cheese sandwich. It's not that this thing is the size of a table or anything either. I just have to take a small bite and chew... and chew... and chew some more. Then maybe add a little water to the mix, masticate (fancy word for chew) some more, and then swallow. By that time, my jaw is a little tired and I feel the need to drink some more water in hopes that it will juice my throat up so the next bite doesn't take an hour too. I've gone through three full glasses of water so far.
For a ham and cheese sandwich. Good gravy.
The "glass half full" perspective on this is that I'll probably drop the weight I put on from chemo pretty quick! That will make it easier for me to win the weight loss competition between my husband, father-in-law, sister-in-law, and dad... yet another positive of cancer.
On another note, we're heading back to Iowa again today for my cousin's wedding. It's going to be a really fast trip. Like, we'll maybe be there for twenty-four hours fast. But it's totally worth it! Weddings are a blast!!
Catch ya'll on the flip side!
Nov 3, 2011
Jessica Cooks!
Today is a monumental day. Today is the FIRST day EVER that Jessica has cooked an entire, legitimate meal. She made buffalo chicken soup with biscuits and cookies for dessert.
Let me give you a brief glimpse into Jessica's cooking skills.
About four years ago, she made cookies and fried them to a crisp. My gift to her that Christmas was coupons for cooking lessons. Thankfully I didn't think to put an expiration date on them...
Two years ago, we moved in together. She still couldn't cook, so we struck a deal. She contributed financially to the groceries, and I did the shopping and cooking to prevent her from starving. During that time, I learned that she's a pro at baking--cookies and brownies, anyway. The kicker came one night while I was talking about browning hamburger and asked her a question about it. Her response to me?
"Ash, I don't even know how to COOK hamburger, so you're talkin' to the wrong person!"
I. Just. Died.
Needless to say, we quickly remedied the hamburger situation.
And look at her now!!! Cooking an entire meal! I'm so proud of her!!! You go, Jess!
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| The buffalo chicken soup in progress :) |
About four years ago, she made cookies and fried them to a crisp. My gift to her that Christmas was coupons for cooking lessons. Thankfully I didn't think to put an expiration date on them...
Two years ago, we moved in together. She still couldn't cook, so we struck a deal. She contributed financially to the groceries, and I did the shopping and cooking to prevent her from starving. During that time, I learned that she's a pro at baking--cookies and brownies, anyway. The kicker came one night while I was talking about browning hamburger and asked her a question about it. Her response to me?
"Ash, I don't even know how to COOK hamburger, so you're talkin' to the wrong person!"
I. Just. Died.
Needless to say, we quickly remedied the hamburger situation.
And look at her now!!! Cooking an entire meal! I'm so proud of her!!! You go, Jess!
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