Thank You Seems So Small...

I think it's more than fair to say that I have undervalued many people in my life over the years.  Although it's somewhat cliche to say that something like cancer makes you think about what is really valuable, its very true.

It's really hard to put into words what kind of shift has happened in my mind over the past few months.  My schedule used to be so jammed packed of "stuff" that I had to do that I didn't have very much time for the people in my life.  Granted, some of this "stuff" might have had value, but for the most part it was relatively worthless.

Today I got to spend some precious time with one of my closest friends, Meg.  Her and her husband, Nate, traveled a few HOURS out of their way to visit us on their trek from Philly to Iowa.  That in itself is touching to me because honestly, months back, I'm not sure I would have done the same.  I would have justified it to myself by reminding myself how "busy" I was and how much I "had to get done."

What a bunch of bull.  I have really been a miserable friend to a lot of people.

On top of driving out of their way, Meg had a gift for me when she got here.  Some time after my diagnosis she had started a group on Facebook to raise money for a wig for me.  Alongside the money were letters from people I love.  Some were short, others were long.  Each one was like a hug from home.

This is the second gift that we've received like this.  Unexpected.  Gracious.  Heartfelt.

The other was from my cousins--Cody and Cortney.  This was their first year of having a charity fundraiser for Cody's birthday and after hearing my diagnosis, decided they money raised would go to us so we could still have a mini-honeymoon somewhere close to home--and the hospitals.  Because Isaac had to be back for school immediately after the wedding, we'd been planning on going somewhere in August... but after finding out I had cancer, we postponed everything.

It could have been five dollars and I still would have bawled.

As it is, I'm still much too... too something (I don't know what)... to let people to see me cry and so both times, I waited until I was alone to do it.  I don't know, maybe it helps me pretend that things are better than they are... I really don't know.  It's hard to understand your own mind sometimes.

Anyway, my mascara is all over my face and my tears are finally slowing down and I want you to know the purpose of today's post is just to say thank you.

Thank you for loving us.  Thank you for seeing us through compassionate eyes, supporting us, praying for us, hugging us, and just being there for us.  Thank you for saying something, even if you don't feel it's adequate and for listening (or pretending) when you don't feel you have the time.

The word "grateful" really does a measly job at describing the emotional aspect of what I'm feeling right now.  Just know we are thankful.