I didn't realize until today how nervous I was for the results of my PET/CT scan.
After my scan this morning, as Isaac and I were walking into the apartment, I told him that I think no matter what the results are come next Wednesday, I'll probably cry.
If it's good, they'll be tears of joy. Just thinking about it today made me get choked up. How awesome would it be if I could be done with chemo next week? It'd be more than awesome--it'd be miraculous! I think the excitement I would have would rival the day Isaac asked me to marry him.
If it's bad, I'll be... well, I'm not really sure what the appropriate word is. Sad isn't quite right. Maybe disappointed? I like to be optimistic and hopeful and I guess I've been kind of wishing this entire time that a miracle would happen and come this PET/CT scan, I'd be clean. Done. Finished.
I can't imagine if we hadn't found this until stage V. My experience so far hasn't even been all that awful, but I carry a TREMENDOUS amount of sympathy for people who have to undergo treatment for any amount of time. I can't even wrap my mind around what a person would feel if they had to endure this for eight months. Or a year.
I guess we'll just have to wait until Wednesday to see what happens.
I love you, and of course you are in my prayers lovely lady! thanks for sharing your journey with us!
ReplyDeleteOh Ashley I know exactly how you feel!!! Praying that you will have the best possible results :) I hopefully only have 2 more treatments and that seems like the biggest mountain to climb. I am with you when you say that you can't wrap your mind around how people do it for 8 months or a year. I don't know about you, but the lovely side effects have gotten worse for me with each treatment. This last time was horrible! It will be the biggest celebration ever when chemo is over! Just wanted you to know that I totally know what you are going through right now.
ReplyDeleteJodi
I totally understand your mixed emotions. Thinking of what you're dealing with now, makes me totally remember the sick in my gut, butterfly feeling. I liken it to the feeling you have when you're strapped in a roller coaster heading up the first large hill before you zoom straight down head first. However, it's not all exciting - it's the anticipation and the not knowing that gets you.
ReplyDeleteThere is no doubt it will be an emotional reveal of your test. Either way - God is in control & you have so many prayer warriors on your side. God is faithful & we are hopeful!