SCVNGR

Yesterday I went to hang out with a friend for a bit in the morning and then came home to find a card from my Aunt Bev in the mail.  Inside she had written a sweet note and sent $20 that she designated for "eyeliner, mascara, or ice cream."

Now, I must confess Aunt Bev... I broke the rules.

Isaac and I hadn't been out to eat in a while so we decided on Joe's Crab Shack and I though that crab nachos sounded yummier than ice cream.  They're so crunch and delicious--plus, they're smothered in crab meat, black bean and corn salsa, cheese, lettuce, and pico de gallo.  Heavenly.  I'd been craving them for a while, and thus donated my $20 toward our night out.

My yummy crab nachos!!!

While Isaac was getting ready for our date, I was searching for coupons on the internet, because although we had $20 toward our night out, coupons are always cool.  It turns out that Joe's works with an app called SCVNGR, where you earn points by taking pictures and commenting on things and then redeeming your points for coupons at Joe's.

For instance, upon arriving, you can "check in."  You've just earned one point.  If you're there with friends, you can "bump in," (tapping your phone against any SCVNGR friend's phone) and you both earn two points per person present.  Taking a picture of the building earns you another couple points, and commenting on your favorite combos and which type of crab legs you prefer, etc... can earn you even more points.  There are also additional "challenges" where you can earn more points.

One of these was taking a picture of your server.

The average person who had done this challenge shot a picture of their server while they were across the room; it's sneaky and discreet.  Instead of joining the ranks of other NORMAL people, my husband decided to play creeper.

Our server, Eryn, had just come up to our table and before she even had a chance to say anything, he held his phone up and said, "Can I get a picture of you?"

You should have seen the look on her face.  It was a mixture of confusion, mild entertainment, and a lot of just plain being creeped out.  I can't say that I blame her.  While I was absorbing her shock, Isaac, blind to her facial expression, held his phone up, leveled it, and snapped a shot.

The poor girl.  She stared at him for a second and then said, "Uh, can I ask what that's for?"  Instead of explaining he just mumbled something along the lines of, "It's for a scavenger hunt."

She nodded, probably still confused, and walked away after checking on our drinks.

I started laughing horrendously at the whole situation, remembering my own odd moments with customers at the B-Bops drive through window.  Isaac didn't seem to understand why I was laughing so I told him that she probably thought he was a creeper.

Thankfully she came back to our table later in the night and he ended up explaining a little more thoroughly what he was talking about.  The experience ended up getting us enough points to get a free appetizer, which was a good deal since I'd chosen to eat them as my meal anyway.

While browsing the challenges, I saw another "challenge" that I thought my brother would love.

Joe's serves a drink called a Sharkbite and whenever someone orders it, a server will call out, "Everyone out of the water, there's a shark!"  This particular challenge called for the customer to jump up, stand on their chair, and scream "SHARK!" while pretending there was a shark swimming somewhere in the floor.

I was kind of hoping that someone else in the building had the app and was planning on doing it, because although I think it would be entertaining to see, I'm not crazy enough to do it myself.

My brother, on the other hand, would probably do it without any reward of any type.

All in all, we came out pretty good.  We got a free entree and $20 of our bill was covered by Aunt Bev... I'd say that's a wheel of a deal!

So... This Is Awkward...

I have been hanging around all day today waiting to poop.

Yes, poop.

This is a rather uncomfortable side effect of the anti-nausea drugs... I've been constipated since chemo and have been using stool softeners, but they really haven't done all that much.

Trust me--I've been doing my part to get thing rolling, but fiber, excessive amounts of water, crunches, and gentle punches to the stomach just aren't cutting it.  I've eaten oily foods, curled up in the fetal position for hours, and Googled more home-remedies for my situation than I care to admit.

I think I've gone to the bathroom six or seven times today and NONE of those times has resulted in a glorious log.  Just liquids...

Today I begged Isaac for a laxative.  We settled on milk of magnesia.

Five hours later I'm wishing we would have just gone hardcore and grabbed something that just cleaned me out--or maybe signed me up for a colonoscopy.  As it were, I am still impatiently waiting for the moment when I have to scramble to make it to the ladies' room in time.  

It can't come soon enough.

Thank You Seems So Small...

I think it's more than fair to say that I have undervalued many people in my life over the years.  Although it's somewhat cliche to say that something like cancer makes you think about what is really valuable, its very true.

It's really hard to put into words what kind of shift has happened in my mind over the past few months.  My schedule used to be so jammed packed of "stuff" that I had to do that I didn't have very much time for the people in my life.  Granted, some of this "stuff" might have had value, but for the most part it was relatively worthless.

Today I got to spend some precious time with one of my closest friends, Meg.  Her and her husband, Nate, traveled a few HOURS out of their way to visit us on their trek from Philly to Iowa.  That in itself is touching to me because honestly, months back, I'm not sure I would have done the same.  I would have justified it to myself by reminding myself how "busy" I was and how much I "had to get done."

What a bunch of bull.  I have really been a miserable friend to a lot of people.

On top of driving out of their way, Meg had a gift for me when she got here.  Some time after my diagnosis she had started a group on Facebook to raise money for a wig for me.  Alongside the money were letters from people I love.  Some were short, others were long.  Each one was like a hug from home.

This is the second gift that we've received like this.  Unexpected.  Gracious.  Heartfelt.

The other was from my cousins--Cody and Cortney.  This was their first year of having a charity fundraiser for Cody's birthday and after hearing my diagnosis, decided they money raised would go to us so we could still have a mini-honeymoon somewhere close to home--and the hospitals.  Because Isaac had to be back for school immediately after the wedding, we'd been planning on going somewhere in August... but after finding out I had cancer, we postponed everything.

It could have been five dollars and I still would have bawled.

As it is, I'm still much too... too something (I don't know what)... to let people to see me cry and so both times, I waited until I was alone to do it.  I don't know, maybe it helps me pretend that things are better than they are... I really don't know.  It's hard to understand your own mind sometimes.

Anyway, my mascara is all over my face and my tears are finally slowing down and I want you to know the purpose of today's post is just to say thank you.

Thank you for loving us.  Thank you for seeing us through compassionate eyes, supporting us, praying for us, hugging us, and just being there for us.  Thank you for saying something, even if you don't feel it's adequate and for listening (or pretending) when you don't feel you have the time.

The word "grateful" really does a measly job at describing the emotional aspect of what I'm feeling right now.  Just know we are thankful.

This is A First

Along with many other "first" experiences that chemotherapy has provided, I can now add to the list a "head/stomach disconnect," meaning, I can no longer tell when I'm hungry.  I would have never thought this would be an issue.

In my pre-cancerous days, it was no big deal for me to sit down and eat at least four to six times a day.  I made sure it was healthy (for the most part), but I just really enjoy eating.

However, since second round of chemo, I have discovered that my brain no longer registers when my stomach is hungry.  I don't get that hungry feeling--very rarely do I even hear it growl.  All of the sudden, I'll just be completely sick to my stomach.

After the first day of this, around midnight, Isaac thought to ask me if I'd eaten anything.  Yes, I believe I had, I told him.  He proceeded to ask what exactly I'd eaten.  To my disbelief, I could only recall a taco and two slices of ham..... but I didn't feel hungry, I only had this sharp pain in my stomach.  If food was the problem, I should have FELT hungry before getting these pains. ...right?

I tried eating and I did seem to feel better for a couple of hours.  Then the pains were back again.  It took a few times of doing this for me to understand that my hormones were so off-whack that my body could no longer signal to me when was the appropriate time to eat.  Ridiculous.

So now, like a newborn babe, I have to set a timer for when I need to eat next.

I guess it just goes to show how fickle your body can be.

The Glass is Half Full

I didn't feel like writing... so hopefully this will be good enough.

Oh.. and I got a little bit of a tan on my head, so I don't look as freakish.

Bonding Time

This morning I was getting really annoyed with my hair coming out several pieces at a time so I decided to shave it down to the nubbins.  


It was getting long anyway.  


I buzzed it down to an eighth of an inch and then promised Isaac he could Bic it tonight--he said it'd be good bonding time.  

(For those of you unfamiliar with the term, to "Bic it," means shaving your head with a razor.  Til it's smooth as a baby's bottom.)


I can't believe I said he could.

*** 8 HOURS LATER***

We just shaved my head.  Literally.  It was.... it was interesting.  I'm not quite sure how I feel about it right now--emotionally, anyway.  Physically, it feels kind of cool if I rub my hand with the grain.  It's like butter.  Absolutely smooth.  If I rub the other way, though, it's like 100 grit sandpaper... not exactly nice feeling.  I took a bunch of pictures of the process so you can enjoy those.

Isaac was joking around and said that he thought it'd be funny if it was a false alarm that it was falling out and it all grew back in.  I don't know how I feel about that either.  Well... while I'm absorbing what just happened, feel free to enjoy these pictures of the process!

Yeah... I'm still digesting it, too.

Shedding Like A Cat

Apparently God heard my sarcastic joke the other day about my hair not falling out.

Remember how I told you that I was pinching my head here and there to see if any would come out?  Remember how I said that the most I'd gotten was like, two hairs at once?

Today that became a lie.

I pinched this morning and got six or so hairs.

I pinched this afternoon and got about ten.

I pinched tonight and they just kept coming....

Joke's on me, I guess.

If I keep shedding like this, though, I might have to get one of those animal fur picker-uppers.  Anyone have a pet hair magnet?  Or maybe a pet mitt?  Just wondering what your thoughts are on them...

Fun-Filled Friday

Yesterday was probably the most exciting day I've had this week so far.  I spent the entire morning calling around to get deferment on my student loans, filling out hours worth of on line information to apply for disability, and trying to gather up the appropriate paperwork to apply for financial assistance from the hospitals that I've visited recently.

It's probably not the average person's idea of "fun," but for someone who went from being busy eighteen hours of the day to a professional couch bum, having anything to do falls into the "exciting" category.

Isaac and I also went to the beach yesterday with some of his med school friends, which actually contributed more to the fun factor than the paperwork.  This was the first time I'd met most of them and I was a little nervous.  I haven't had to make friends for several years now, and I'm really not even sure how that whole thing works anymore.

Don't get me wrong, I've made friends over the years just by being involved at Cornerstone, Bootcamp, Salon 101, and other things I was deeply rooted in... But how do you go about making friends when you don't actually DO anything?

I have no idea.

I'm not about to be the creepy person on Facebook or Skype who goes around adding people they don't know.  That's just weird.  

Anyway, they were all pretty sweet.  I got asked to join in on a game of soccer, which ended up proving to me that although I'd like to believe the chemo doesn't have any effect on my body, it really does.

The "field" was somewhere between a quarter and a third of the length of a true soccer field and the game wasn't really all that competitive.  Nevertheless, I was huffing and puffing like a 400-pound life-long smoker after maybe thirty minutes.  Sad day.  I honestly didn't even move that much.

We watched The Green Hornet last night, too.  It was horrible!  I was impressed that it wasn't littered with half-naked women, but the overabundance of swearing completely filled the "crap-o-meter" anyway.  Not to mention the complete absence of a well-developed plot.

Unfortunately, I thought The Green Lantern fell into the same category as well.  It might have actually been worse.  Sure, The Green Hornet was lacking quite a bit, but at least the action scenes were somewhat redeeming and the acting was so-so.  One of its biggest problems was that they tried to turn it into a comedy and miserably failed.

The Green Lantern, however, had a complete disaster of a storyline for someone who hadn't read the comic books, and the only person who should have gotten a paycheck for their acting was the guy who played Hector.  I'd definitely vote it an all-time-low for Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively.

I wouldn't recommend either.

The night ended with me going to bed "early" (around midnight) and Isaac staying up to watch some of his lectures online.  I dreamt of soccer and woke up this morning to sore legs--my cue to go to the gym later and work them out.  

Hopefully I'll get invited to play again sometime.  Maybe next time I'll drag an oxygen tank with me.  Who knows?  I might last longer that way...

Chemotherapy? No Thanks, I'm Good....

Today was supposed to be my second treatment.  As it were, Isaac and I arrived at the office only to discover that my white blood cell count was low and my neutophil count extremely low.

I guess we know the chemo is doing its job.

This means a couple things.  One is that I am extremely prone to getting really sick right now.  Honestly, I'm a little surprised I didn't end up in the ER after my visit home this past weekend.  I disobeyed the "no little kids" rule, the "no hugging" rule, the "limited sun exposure" rule... probably a few others, too.  I'm sure if the doc had known exactly how low my counts were going to dip and how disobedient I'd be, he wouldn't have let us go.  Secretly, I'm glad he didn't know.  (Although, I'm not sure I'd feel the same way if I were hospitalized right now.)

Also, this means that my chemo was delayed a week... which reduces its effectiveness... which means I might have to be in treatment longer.

It also means that the day after my session next week, I have to get a shot that it supposed to make my bone marrow pump out white blood cells like crazy.

I'm not particularly excited about this shot.

I've come across it while reading up on my specific type of treatment and over and over again I see two things about it repeated.  First, it's expensive.  One man's wife needed them and they weren't insured.  It cost them over $12,000 a week.  I can't even image--thank goodness for insurance!  As much as people gripe about ObamaCare, I'm very thankful for it right now, or Isaac and I absolutely would have declared bankruptcy already.

The other thing I read about this shot is that it apparently makes your bones ache like you have a fever.

Oh, joy.

Thankfully, the chemo will probably knock me out for a few days anyway, so I'll be able to take care of all my miserableness at once, rather than stretching it out.  That's one upside.

On another note, my hair is still in tact.  I often find myself running my hands through it, like I'm petting a dog--except I'm petting myself.  It just feels cool.  Occasionally, I'll reach up and pinch some of it and pull to see if any will come out.  The most I've gotten was two hairs at once.  I was under the impression that it would have fallen out by now--although, since shaving it, I've learned that about 3% of people undergoing my treatment keep their hair.

I'm sure that'll be my luck--but only because I already shaved it.  And because I was looking forward to it coming back different.  Maybe red and curly...

I'd be game for anything.

Family Reunion

Every year since 1980, Dad's side has held a family reunion.  Come June or July, we pack up and drive as many as 7 hours to make it to this annual event.  And although my husband and I have had a medically eventful past few weeks, I was really hoping not to have to miss out this year.  I'd asked Isaac earlier this month if he thought we'd be able to go and he said it would depend on two things: how I was feeling and how much schoolwork he could get done ahead of time.  He thought he could give me an answer by the Wednesday before.

Wednesday rolled around and I was trying SO hard not to push the issue.  I only asked once, and he told me he'd need til Thursday to know for sure if he could afford to leave his schoolwork for the weekend.  Come Thursday morning breakfast, he still wasn't sure.  He had another section of material to cover before he thought he could give me a definitive answer.

It was killing me.  Should I pack?  Should I clean?  Should I just sit here and pretend like I'm not in a hurry to start packing?

I chose the latter.  I never want make him feel like I'm undermining him or that he's second fiddle, so although I was dying, anxiously waiting for him to cover his material, I played it cool and sat on the couch playing Gourmet Ranch on Facebook.  It wasn't keeping my attention very well, so I was super happy when Meg messaged me and asked if I wanted to Skype.

About two minutes after I agreed to a Skype date with Meg, Isaac looked up from his studying.  I paused, in the middle of eating a tomato and stared at him, waiting to hear the verdict.

"We can go..."

YESSSS!!!!

"...but probably not til like, 3:30."

Ugh.  Okay.  Not the time frame I was hoping for--but, still, we're going!

"And, can we wrestle first?"

Now.  For those of you who are not familiar with "wrestling", it is a full contact sport that only married grown-ups should take part in.  Unlike many other sports, you don't wear a uniform and you don't necessarily need to be in top physical condition to participate--although it does help.  Like many contact sports, you should be aware of the risks involved before engaging, such as injury or pregnancy.  However, both these risks can be avoided if one takes the proper precautions.

It was at that moment that my ringing computer screen reminded me that I already had a Skype date lined up, so I hopped on and asked Meg if I could have a rain-check.  We agreed on a later date before signing off.

We headed out around 5:30pm and arrived in Iowa City at about midnight.  Momma Lynn was waiting up for us and we chatted until around 2:30am before crashing.  Hours later, we woke up to the smell of fried potatoes and onions, eggs, bacon, and cherry turnovers.  I love eating at the Hinton's!  Lynn has to be one of the best cooks I know and she never fails to have something tasty on hand.  We ate while catching up with her and Howard and then hit the road again around 1pm.

Once in Ames, Isaac handed me off to Lindsey so we could hang out for an hour or so before Isaac and I left for the reunion.  We were debating where to eat when I asked if she wanted to go to Great Plains.  Imagine my surprise when she didn't even know what I was talking about!!

For those of you in the same boat as Lindsey, Great Plains falls into the same category as Chinese Homestyle: they are the hidden food gems of Ames.  The best thing about this particular restaurant is their lunch special.  Every day, they have a certain type of pizza that can be bought by the slice over the lunch hour for around two dollars.  All the flavors are good, but you have to be sure to get it with the thick, oat crust.  It's served with a side of honey so that essentially, every piece of pizza is both meal and dessert in one.  In addition to all this honey-covered, oat-y goodness is the amount of cheese they put on the pizza.  I kid you not, if you look at a pizza before it goes to the oven, you will see a MOUNTAIN of cheese on it.  By the time it's melted down and served to you, there's usually a good half-inch or more of gooey, delicious cheese on your pie.  You can't beat it.  Seriously.

After spending time with Lindz, Isaac and I headed to the farm.  It was at this point that I got the worst news ever--Mom thought she was sick, so she wasn't coming because she didn't want to get me sick.  She said we could go ahead and come out to the farm, but I had to stay outside for the sake of germs.

While we were there, waiting for Dad to finish packing, a surprise visitor stopped by!!  Danielle, one of my Surefire Bootcamp buddies, had stopped by to drop off four seasons of HOUSE for Isaac and I.  She'd texted me earlier in the month asking if we'd care to have them, and since its our favorite show, of course I said yes!

After we gabbed for a bit, Danielle had to leave for Omaha and Dad was finally ready to go.  A little over an hour later, we were at the park being showered with hugs from many family members.  We checked into our dorm and then headed out to the main gathering area where we continued to talk and eat well into the evening.

That night, we got a lesson from Ike about planking--the "cool thing to do" among teenagers right now.  The goal is to showcase your skills by putting your body into a plank position on any random item.  The more difficult the position, the higher level of difficulty the plank is assessed.  To give us a good understanding of what it was (as well as to put a notch in his stick) Ike decided to show us a level 10 difficultly plank--on top of the door, in his Onesie.  Thankfully, the door didn't break and he didn't bust his head open.

A little while later, everyone was starting to drift off to sleep when I made my awkward statement of the night.  You see, when we got there I had noticed that each person had their own little twin bed.  However, Isaac and I still qualify as newlyweds, so I decided to push two of them together and create a bigger bed for both of us.  No big deal, right?

False.  When you belong to a family of jokesters, nothing is a small deal.  One of my favorite ways to fall asleep is with Isaac's arm tucked around me and so while everyone else was starting to count sheep, I was trying to find his arm amidst the sea of blankets.  The lights were off and I didn't even think before I blurted out, "I can't find it!"  I'm sure you can imagine the reactions we got.  The entire room erupted into laughter while I tried my best to explain what exactly I was looking for.

The night brought pretty decent sleep, despite the "crunch, crunch, crunching" of people on the plastic mattresses.  In the morning, after talking to family over the course of breakfast and snacking, we made our way to the pool.  We swam, chatted, caught sun rays, and the guys started the yearly water basketball game that produces sore muscles, firey-red, sun-burnt backs, and the occasional scratch.  And--surprise!!!  Mom was feeling much better so she met us there and stayed the rest of the weekend!

On the way back to the park, Ike, Dad, and myself rode in the back of the truck.  Ike, of course, came up with the idea of trying to do a triple plank on the rack of the moving truck.  Mom was driving and not too keen on the idea so every time we started to crawl up onto the rack she threw the brakes on.  Not the wisest choice.  It's easier to predict when you will fall if the speed of the vehicle you are standing in remains constant.  If the driver throws on the brakes every two minutes though... well, expect to land on the pavement at some point.  We tried to tell her to keep going, but she was so worked up about the possibility off someone flying out that she pulled off the road and wouldn't move until all of our feet were touching the bottom of the truck.  Needless to say, our plank had to wait until the truck was sitting still in the parking lot.

After our planking adventure, I was feeling exhausted so I laid down for a nap.  I felt alright, aside from a headache, but I'm learning it's better to be safe than sorry.  Since my diagnosis, there is much higher risk of me getting sick, and even though I felt perfectly fine, I've had situations where I went from feeling fantastic to being in the ER in a matter of hours--not ideal.

Court and Jess arrived sometime shortly after my nap and we got to hang out for a bit before I started doing haircuts.  Let me tell you, I was SO excited to get to cut some heads!  I haven't been able to do anyone other than Isaac or myself for the past three months and I really, really miss it.  One of my aunts volunteered her family and then my entire Iowa family, minus Ike, got theirs done as well.  Sad as it may sound to some of you, that was probably one of the biggest hilights of my weekend.

Around noon, Isaac and I had to head out to make it home by midnight.  I'd had left my facewash at Hinton's, so we stopped by to grab that and Lynn took me over to see Joan's (their neighbor) herb collection.

Her daughter lovingly refers to her as "the crazy herb lady," and I didn't really understand why until we walked by the stash up front and went through the gate to the back where I walked into herb-world.  There were several different types of basil, lavender, chocolate mint, marjoram, cilantro, chives, savory, a TON of others, and a peach tree seedling.  I'm not so sure I'd go so far as to call her crazy, but I can surely say she has a love for herbs and other growing things.  She actually ended up giving me a bunch of different types that we boxed up, watered, and put in the back of the little red Yaris.

We hit the food jackpot twice on the way home, which was awesome!  Who can say no to two free apple pies and a free chili cheese buritto?  Not us!  A little before 1am we had made it back and by 2am,  had everything planted, unpacked and put away.

I would definitely call the weekend a success.

Laughter is Good Medicine

Since my little incident in the shower, I've been able to hear very little out of my right ear.  I've grown rather accustomed to it by now and Isaac and I have started calling it my "bad" ear.  The other night he just died laughing because we went to bed at the same time (a rarity when you're married to a med school student) and I sleep on the right and he on the left.  I was turned on my side facing him, which meant that the bad ear was facing up and my good ear was smothered in pillow-ness.  

I was just starting at his oh-so-handsome face as he started to talk.  A millisecond into whatever he was saying and I realized I couldn't hear it because my bad ear was the one up.  Then, as yet more proof that I am really an old lady, I had to speak those dreaded words you hear from the 90-somethings in retirement homes.

"Heh?  What are you saying?  Hold on... my good ear is in the pillow."

He. Just. Died.

I hope by now you realize I'm learning to laugh at myself because the alternative lately is probably to cry or get angry, and so as he continued his guffawing, I joined him.  Really, if you think about it, I am just a miserable mess.  My body has been started more drama in the past month than I care to admit.  Let's see what we've got a count on so far (you can click on some of the following for the full scoop if you're behind):

• Excisional Biopsy Surgery
• Diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma IIA
• A million blood tests, PET/CT scan, MUGA scan, and a pulmonary function test
• Fever/headaches/sore throat/wry neck
• Ear erruption that resulted in early anesthesia at my Mediport Surgery, a visit to Urgent Care, AND a visit to the ER
• Mediport Surgery
• Tightness in my neck that Isaac had to crack out (yes, CRACK)
• Nausea and a 3-day nap due to chemotherapy
• Crack-addict-like behaviors from either chemotherapy or compazine (to be determined after the next chemo cycle)
• A yeast infection from the million antibiotics I've been on
• Claw-hand and spastic tongue muscles from a compazine reaction--aka: another trip to the ER

We can add another one after my visit with the ENT yesterday, too: surgery to put a tube in my right ear.  Yep.  Apparently there is fluid built up behind my eardrum that is behind held in place because my adenoids are swollen (lymphoma being the likely culprit of the swelling) and are holding it up there.  They're going to knock me out on July 18th, cut a hole in my eardrum, suck the fluid out, and put a temporary tube in that will fall out on its own within a year or so.

This is why we laugh.  

That, and the fact that my husband and mother figured out every loophole in my insurance policy.  Not only did we figure out how to work the "guest" status, we also ended up getting a refund of what we had paid for the month of June because my mom figured out I shouldn't have had to switch plans.  I bet the insurance people are pissed.

They told her to quit reading the policy.

All in all, when it rains, it pours... and so long as I don't have my hair and makeup done, I'm fine with splashing in the puddles.

Oh, and Em Fedderson, if you're reading this: I had to cut a little over a 1/2" off my hair yesterday to knock it back to where it was when I first cut it.  Just sayin'.

What a Date!

As many of you know from Facebook, I was super excited to have the chance to go on a date with my husband last night.  It had been a while since we'd had time of our own that wasn't focused on chemotherapy or some other doctor's appointment, and my tweaking had toned down quite a bit--to the point Isaac thought I might be able to handle an evening out.  Little did he know....


The evening started out rather well.  Meg told me I should get all gussied up and do my hair and makeup (which I did) and then Isaac and I were off to see the Green Lantern at 7:45pm.  We were hanging out, enjoying the movie and some hot dogs when about three-fourths of the way through the film, my right hand started to inadvertently claw up--similar to someone with rheumatoid arthritis.  A little confused at what was happening, I excused myself and went to the bathroom to unwravel my hand and stretch it out.  After maybe a minute or two of stretching, it was feeling much better, but by the time I got back into the movie, it was all locked and cramped again and my tongue had started involuntarily twisting into knots in my mouth.


I tried to play it cool for a couple of minutes and then rememberd that I had promised Isaac I'd tell him every little thing.  Honestly, I'd like to say I told him right away, but the truth is that he noticed me acting weird before I spoke up.  Needlesss to say, once I told him what was going on through my tongue cramps, he had decided it was time to leave the movie--NOW.  At first, I felt bad for interrupting our first date night after chemo, but by the time we got to the car, I was glad we were leaving.  My hand and tongue continued to spaz and it felt like any moment, I might start having troubles breathing.  


Isaac was on the phone immediately with my oncologist, asking what he thought we should do.  Dr. Knechtl told us that if we could get to Mount Clemens, that'd be preferable, but if we didn't think we could make it, Henry Ford Macomb ER should suffice.  Forming words with a contorted tongue is pretty hard, let me tell you, but I managed to communicate to my husband that Henry Ford sounded best.  I didn't know what was happening, and I had become a little worried that my airways were closing.  Although Mount Clemens has all my medical records, it's also 15 minutes away, and I wasn't sure if I would make it.  


Isaac drove like a bat out of hell the entire 2 miles to the ER while my tongue continued to tense up and my non-rheumatoid claw got even claw-ier.  This is where it gets a little funny (now, it is--it wasn't then).  The lady at the front desk wanted to have a nice hour-long chat while getting my information before treating me.  Isaac was getting furious.  After "what is your name, sweetie?", "date of birth?", and "so, what's going on tonight?" he finally blew up and told the lady I was having problems breathing so she would put the bureaucracies aside and get me in.  Meanwhile, my tongue muscle was tensing to the point my head had started to arch back in order to open my airway as much as possible to get oxygen to my lungs.  


Now, if you're interested in how I felt at this time, take your tongue, open your mouth, and stick it out and down as far as you can.  Now push just a little bit further.  Yeah--even further.  You should be getting hot in the jaw and tired in your tongue.   Mine was like that for probably 20 minutes by this point.  Compound that with the "arthritis" in my hand, and I wasn't feeling too hot.  


Once we were finally back in the ER, the doctor diagnosed me as having a dyastonic drug reaction to the compazine (one of my anti-nausea drugs) I had been taking.  Apparently, its fairly common with patients taking this particular medication.  He said they would get me started on an IV of Benedryl right away.  


Ten minutes later, I had witnessed two entire conversations between the nurses who should have been starting my IV about a weekend event they'd been to.  Ten MORE minutes later and I'd also heard about so-and-so's dress and "Oh, can you hand me that chart?"  


Seriously? 


This had to have been the SLOWEST ER EVER!  Finally, about 20 minutes after I'd been told I'd get an IV "right away", the nurse finally came over to start it while still maintaining conversation with another nurse.  On top of that, the poor guy must have been new because he kept pulling the temp IV out of my arm, creating a mess of bloody saline that I tried to keep off my white shirt.  


Meanwhile, in the background, a 70-something psych patient was trying to escape her gurney while showing off her booty and a 40-something woman was admitted for a dislocated elbow from trying to do a cartwheel.  The friend who admitted her was flabbergasted to learn that once they fixed her up and put a cast on it, she wouldn't be able to go jet-skiiing on the lake.


Who would have thought?


By this time, the Benedryl was kicking in, and the seizing in my arms and mouth immediately let up.  It was amazing how much more comfortable I was in a matter of mere seconds!  However, Benedryl has a sleep-effect on me, so I knocked out for a few minutes.  After the doctor had re-vistited us and declared me good to go, we waited for another 20 minutes for someone to remove my IV out so we could head home.  You can't win them all, I guess.


I'm happy to also report that the doctor believes the compazine is also the likely culprit for my "crackhead" like behaviors.  As it turns out, that might have been my body's less-immediate reaction to the drug because I was metabolizing it so quickly.  The cumulative effect, however, was the seizures in my face and arm.


The happy part of this story: I no longer feel like a crackhead.  The bad part: it was a little scary to figure out! 

A New Day, A New Doctor

Saturday was an eventful day for Ashley. It started off with her being up, awake, and alert for a majorirty of the day. for some of you this may seem insignificant, but for Ashley this was huge. Saturday marked the third day after her first day a chemo, which is when you should start to feel better as your body is alomst done clearing the chemo drugs.

I knew something was different about today, because I woke up to the smell of aju beef and dipping sauce. I walked out of our bedroom, expecting to see Ashley either asleep at on of the dinig room chairs, or asleep on the couch, but she was not. She greeted me with a, hello honey and said I left the stuff out to make the sandwiches, I know your hungry. She was right.

While Ashley was talking on the phone with her mom and dad and later with her friend Meg on skype, I cleaned the apartment and decided to ask ashley if she wanted to go on a date to see the green latern? She said yes. After I finished cleaning I stopped by the movie theater to pick up the tickets for one of the night showings.

Somewhere around an hour and a half into the movie Ashley leaned over to me and said, "my tounge is tight and I cannot control it, and my hand is starting to feel that way too." I decided at the moment it was time to go. We rushed to Henry Ford Macomb Hospital ER and got her admitted asap. Luckily the ER was only five minutes from the movie theater, but in that short amount of time her hand had become worse. the ER doctors asked Ashley what meds she has taken? Because of her tounge tetanus, it was hard for the doctors to understand what Ashley was saying, so I spoke up. "She took augmentin for her ear infection and compazine for anti nausea," I said. the doctors face light up and he side, we found our culprit. Its the compazine.

He explained to us that compazine has a known side effect, not an allergy, in some people to cause a contraction of the tounge and hand muscles. I told him that this is the third day shes taken this medication, and asked him why this side effect had not shown up already. He said usually the side effect shows up within one day of taking it. I told him that the past couple of nights shes be complaining of jitters and feeling like shes a crack addict. He said, its probably all related. Not to bore you all with the details, but basically her body was metabolizing the drug fast enough that there drug wasn't around long enough to produce the full effect; however; its cumulation was enough to produce the side effect.

The nurse come over, while the doctor was explaining things to me in more detail, and started her on an IV and gave her benadryl through the IV. With in minutes her spastic contrations were gone and she was feeling a little cold and drowsy. A different nurse gave her a blanet to keep her warm and we just waited for thirty minutes or so to make sure the drugs had taken full effect. After they discharged us, we headed back home so she could get some sleep. She will probably be a little drowsy for the next day or so, because she need to take benadryl for the next day while her body clears the rest of the compazine out of her system. In the upcoming days it will be intersting to see if her self proclaimed crack addict feeling is gone. One thing we do know, is Zofran is the way to go from here on out.

Like a Crack Addict

If you've ever wondered what the after moments of chemotherapy are like, I'll do my best to explain that for you now.  It varies from person to person, so I'm told.  This is my personal account.

I feel like a crack addict.  Literally.  I twitch.  I cry for no reason.  My toes and hands can't quit moving.  I pace the house.  I can't focus.  I can't even read five sentences (that's why it's taken so long for this blog to come out).  I sleep all day.  Literally.  ALL day.  When I am awake, I'm tweaking out.  That's when I decide it's time to go back to sleep.

I hate it.

I've always been able to focus.  To keep my cool and remain collected even when I'm going crazy on the inside.

Not anymore.

Now I pace around like I'm searching for my next "fix."  If only I knew what that was.  Then maybe I could have a moment of sanity for myself.  For my husband.

No.  Instead, he has to watch me.  Sometimes we can laugh about it.  Other times I cry.

I despise this.  I debate whether or not it is worth fighting this cancer.  Maybe it would be better to live a shorter, fuller life, than be like this.

I don't even know if it will go away.  What if I'm like this forever?

The silver lining is that today is better.  Today I can focus enough to write a few short sentences.